


Like Real People Do

by lilleiaorgana



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Depressed Ikari Shinji, F/M, Gendo is Worst Father, Misato Is A Mom, Motherhood, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Teen Stuff Stays PG-13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25741066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilleiaorgana/pseuds/lilleiaorgana
Summary: The EVA pilots and their Major deal with the question of "what is it to be a real person" and what comes along with that concept.
Relationships: Akagi Ritsuko/Katsuragi Misato, Ayanami Rei & Ikari Gendo, Ayanami Rei & Ikari Shinji, Ayanami Rei & Souryuu Asuka Langley, Ikari Shinji & Katsuragi Misato, Ikari Shinji/Souryuu Asuka Langley, Kaji Ryouji/Katsuragi Misato, Katsuragi Misato & Souryuu Asuka Langley
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Asuka is on a date, Shinji confides in Misato about his feelings.

"Why are you so worried about her?" Misato asked, leaning against the counter and sprinkling seasoning into the pot of ramen Shinji prepared for them. 

It was so ass-backwards, Misato knew it was. Shinji, a boy of 14 making dinner for them as he lived under her roof and she provided for them. Shinji didn't know how to be 14 in the same way Misato didn't know, tragedy overtook childhood. She would look at him and wonder, _would you have liked me then? do you just like me because I chose to take care of you?_ She wasn't fit to be a mother, not when she was still growing up herself. Despite that, she knew one thing more than Shinji likely would in the time he'd be living with her. She knew how girls thought. Especially Asuka. Asuka seemed to be the other half of Misato- the unruly, the tempermental, the desperate. 

And Misato would see to it that they would grow past her, they would be better. Parents want their kids to be better than they were, but sisters will watch on jealously. She won't be jealous that they're more emotionally stable in the future, she's jealous that they'll have each other. They must have each other. Even Ayanami, they need her too. She just had to get Shinji to talk about his feelings.

"I'm not worried about her." Shinji mumbled, adding egg to the soup and furrowing, like he hoped he'd done it right. 

Misato cracked open a beer and took a sip, then let out a burp. Shinji closed his eyes, taking a breath so he didn't roll his eyes and scoff at Misato for burping nearly right in his face. Sometimes, he thinks about shoving her and calling her gross. In his head, she'll shove him back and they'll push each other all over the place and laugh. But it feels wrong to touch an adult like that, because Misato is an adult even if she acts like she's hardly any older than him most of the time. 

His cheeks burn pink thinking about how he wants to shove Misato and call her gross and laugh with her, but the embarrassment of how obvious it is that he's worried about Asuka sits in his stomach like a stone. 

"I just... I'm worried she'll go steady with him and not want to be a pilot anymore." Shinji lies, well... he half lies. 

"The last thing Asuka would ever do is not want to be a pilot anymore, Shin." Misato chuckled and ruffles his hair softly. It feels good. It's loving, but not romantic. Shinji wants to lay in head on her chest and tell her everything about Asuka. 

Shinji doesn't. He squares his shoulders and continues the soup. Misato picks up on how little he really wants to speak to her and because she's hungry, she opts out of pushing him to speak. She sits with PenPen on the floor, drinking her beer slowly and reading a magazine Asuka has left on the floor. When Shinji is done a few minutes later, he doles out a cupful for her and himself, bringing it to her and sitting very close. Misato can feel the denim of his jeans against her stubbly thighs as he crosses his legs to eat. He's warming up to her and she wonders if he's ever been this close to his father. If Gendo has ever sat with his son and eaten a meal in silence as they worry about someone they love. 

And then she's not hungry at all, but to not worry him, she has two bowls. 

Later, after Shinji has bathed and completed his homework, he goes to Misato. Misato is five beers post dinner deep, staring daggers at the front door waiting for Asuka to get her ass inside and in bed. Shinji sits at the table with her, looking at Misato curiously. She never wears her bangs down across her forehead, but at the sides. He's noticed that girls typically only do that when they want to grow their bangs out because they dislike them but he knows Misato likes her bangs because the fifth of every month, little pieces of her hair are found all over the bathroom sink and floor from her trimming them. He knows she keeps them on the shorter side because she meticulously grooms her eyebrows and defines them with a black pencil that is not to be confused for her eyeliner. He knows this because he likes to go through her makeup bag and often has to clean her makeup items off the counter when she's rushing in the morning. But she sits there now, barefaced and bangs a mess with her hair knotty in a ponytail. 

"You're worried now." Shinji smirks, but he's not happy about it. 

Misato shoots him a dark look, but her eyes soften. "It's only nine but... I do worry." 

"I'm worried too." He finally admits. "For many reasons."

Misato could jump, she could squeal. He's gonna tell her. He's going to open his heart and let all of those feelings into the air. 

"Oh? You wanna share those reasons?" She asked softly, trying to not seem too cool about it or too hard. Just casual. Like it wasn't life or death.

Shinji sits with his elbows on the table and his hands over his mouth, his thumbs cradling his chin. It almost makes Misato's skin crawl. If it wasn't for Shinji's lanky body, he'd look like Gendo. _He is Gendo's-- no he's mine. He's my boy. Asuka's my girl. We're each other's. We have no mother or father._

"You... you can't tell her or hold it against me." He looks at her, eyes timid. 

"I would never." She promised in a hushed tone. 

Shinji closes his eyes, willing himself to be a big boy and tell her. It's just Misato. It's Misato. "I told her to go on the date and now... now I regret it. Our class is small and everyone sees her as a prize. If they kiss, I'll hear about it. Maybe not even from her or even him, but from one of my friends, the class rep, or someone I hardly speak to. People will feel sorry for me because I live with her and can't even make a move. They'll laugh at me for not... for not being good enough for her even though he's not good enough for her!"

His face is red and his eyes are filled with tears. "I'm such a baby! She's mean and she's cruel and she thinks she's too good for everyone, but-"

Misato moves off her chair and kneels, her one hand on his back and the other hand wrapped around his wrists. He looks down at her, wide eyed as a tear rolls down his red cheeks. He blinks, letting the other tears fall. It's such a tender display of affection, unlike a friend or a parent. It's understanding and nonjudgemental. 

"You wanna keep going or do you want to hear what I think?" She asks him slowly. 

"I- I don't think I have any claim to her because we live together." He clarifies. 

Misato smiles and nods, sitting back in her chair but dragging it loudly against the floor. It bothers Shinji but she's closer to him and that is a comfort to him. 

"Asuka likes you, dummy." Misato starts off unceremoniously. Shinji looks stunned and shakes his head, but Misato continues. "She has since she met you. Everyone has always been a competition to Asuka and she's known she's been destined for something greater for a long time. She has a hard time making friends and needs guidance. Think about Rei, how frustrated she was when Rei didn't link arms with her and chastise you. She has one concept of what friendship is and it's from bratty girls on TV shows! I don't think she knows that she can be friends with you and she certainly doesn't know how to flirt with someone your age when she's used to those same TV shows of girls being bratty and the guys still falling all over her. You follow?" 

Shinji blinked and nodded, listening intently to her. 

"I'm not saying you need to give in to her brattiness and I'm not saying you have to fully combat her, because you've tried and... you're not very good at it. But you're no walk in the park either. You're emotional, guilty, and too... wound up." Misato continued.

"It's not like I live a stress free life!" He defends himself.

"No! No, I meant..." Misato blushes, embarrassed. "I'm not the right person to talk to you about this. I think... a man should-"

Shinji goes red. "I don't want to have sex with her!"

Misato laughs at that, "It's one thing to be insecure, it's another to laugh."

Shinji huffs and lunges at her, shoving her off her seat. It catches Misato off guard and she gasps, flying off her seat and pulling Shinji with her as they tumble on the ground. She looks at him in awe, his expression not of hatred or aggression but teenage frustration. Misato snorts and shoves Shinji again, causing him to shove her harder, so she kicks at him and he kicks back. They don't hurt each other, but they tussle for a while until his head falls onto her lap and he looks up at her. 

Misato wants to pull away, but she also wants to stay there. The boy needs a mom so badly. "Do you feel better?" 

"No. You... you're right though. About everything. And maybe... maybe I do want her like that." He admits, face red like a tomato. 

"Does her being mean to you make it more thrilling...?" Misato asks the question carefully, trying not to cringe. 

Shinji cringes for her but groans, "Yes."

"Dude..." Misato laughs softly. "That's kinda messed up."

"You have no idea. But... I like it when I'm praised too-" Shinji starts. 

"Okay, I'm gonna have to stop you there." Misato cuts in, her nose wrinkled. "I'm glad you're comfortable saying it out loud and especially to me, but I really don't think we should be discussing your kinks."

Shinji sits up and shoves her again, "Are you calling me a pervert?"

"I didn't say that! I said I'm not the right person!" She shoves him back.

"Is it perverted of me to get turned on when she says I did something right and turned on when she calls me an idiot?" Shinji shoves her again.

Misato shoves back, "I don't know! I get- no, we're not talking about that! I'm an adult!"

"You'd talk to Misato about it!" He argues. 

"Yes, I would! I'm a woman and so is she. It's just how it works, Shinji!" She pants, holding his wrists so he couldn't shove her again. 

Shinji frowns, shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut. "I don't have a man in my life to talk to about these things, Misato. You think my father gives a damn about what girl I have a crush on much less anything outside of being an EVA pilot? I don't have anyone but you! You're it, Miss Misato. You can't just be Major Katsuragi to me, you have to be here. You have to be the person I can talk to. I need to be raised. I need to be-"

Nurtured. 

"I- I can't be your mom." She spoke in a hushed tone, whispering nearly. Embarrassed. Guilty. Sad. 

"I had one. I just need you. I know you can be cool and I know you can be caring. Just treat me like I'm... I'm your.... little brother." He plead. 

So Misato laid on the floor, staring up at the ceiling with Shinji at her side. His head pressed against her shoulder with his eyes closed. She didn't move, not wanting to disturb him. Their feet kicked at each other when someone said something stupid or gross. She told him everything. What it was like to be kissed for the first time, which was just as awkward as his kiss with Asuka. What it was like to have a crush and how desperate she was to lose her virginity, what a fool she'd made of herself. How she'd fallen in love with a guy in college and screwed it up because she got scared. Because she felt like she was dating her father. How she's never let herself fall in love or even keep a longer relationship because she knows it'll never be the same and she'll never be good enough. How she's afraid to die but unsure if she's afraid of not falling in love and having a family or if she's more afraid to do that and then die. 

Shinji tells her how he feels conflicted by Rei, unsure if he likes her similarly to Asuka or if he wants to figure her out. Misato tells him that sometimes it's one and the same. He asks her if she'd take Rei in, if given the chance. Misato immediately says yes, without even thinking about it before she answers. She just knows that she would take her in and care for her in the same way she does Asuka and Shinji. Shinji thinks she'd be a lot happier with Misato looking after her, but doesn't know if she could stand how loud it gets in here, as she seems like she prefers quiet. Misato asks him if he thinks she prefers quiet, or if it's that quiet is all Rei knows. It makes Shinji go silent for a while, but he never answers her question. He tells Misato that he dreams of being a baby and his mother being alive and her caring for him. He never dreams of his father, except in nightmares. In dreams, Asuka kisses him in her plugsuit and tells him he did good helping her defeat an angel. Misato timidly asks if Shinji ever thinks about kissing her and he laughs, saying that living with her has ruined any chance of him ever desiring her in that way. Misato is pleased to hear it. Shinji asks if she's ever slept with Ritsuko and she laughs, saying once or twice. He goes red at that and closes his eyes, admitting he sometimes thinks about Rei and Asuka kissing and touching each other. Misato smacks him lightly for that, which makes them laugh. 

"Sometimes I see you and it's like I'm looking into this mirror... but I can change things about myself through you. Is that messed up?" Misato asks him.

He looks at her sympathetically. "I think if you look at yourself and see me, you must really hate yourself."

"Is that because you hate yourself?" She asks, but knows the question. 

"You know the answer." He replies, his brows furrowed.

"Then you know my answer." She says cooly. 

Shinj lays his head on her shoulder, "Do I make you feel better or worse?"

Misato feels her eyes fill with tears and she grabs him, holding him against her. "Oh, Shinji. Shinji, you make me feel better. You do. You stress me out and scare me but that makes me feel alive. And you come home and you're so good and kind... I wish, I wish I could've always been there for you. The minute you had to be alone, I wish I could've come and scooped you up."

"Then Kaji would've been like our dad, huh?" Shinji whispers. 

It kills the moment. "You're such a perv, Shin." 

* * *

The next morning, Asuka rolls out of bed and looks at Shinji as he brews coffee. She looks angry about something, but not at him. 

"Aren't you going to ask about my date?" She demands, confused as to why he hasn't jumped a the opportunity to stumble all over himself.

Shinji smiles when the coffee is done brewing. He grabs the creamer from the fridge and puts in his select amount and hers. He watches as he pours the coffee into the glass mug, the creamer making the black liquid go to a dark brown, the color of his hair. He then pours the coffee into the creamer filled mug for Asuka, watching the black turn into a light brown color. Asuka walks over and grabs the mug, taking a cautious sip and raising her eyebrows at him. 

"Asuka, how was your date?" He sighs, sipping his coffee and looking at her. 

She blinks, shocked he didn't apologize of fumble with his words. He does as told. 

"It was bad. Another bad date." She admitted, keeping her usual hard tone. 

"I'm guessing you didn't leave early this time, seeing as you weren't home til midnight." Shinji shrugged. 

Asuka scoffs and sips more, enjoying the cup of coffee more than any she'd ever made for herself. "Well this guy wasn't boring. I do this 16 is too old for me though. He talked about having a job and didn't care too much for my job. Typical man, always feeling insecure because I have a bigger set of balls. Right?" 

Shinji chuckles at that, "Yeah. Makes me wonder how you sit down." 

Asuka nearly chokes on her coffee. He made a joke, a real genuine joke. They're bantering without yelling. A calm conversation about their lives. Like real people do. 

"I... I move them onto my lap." She continues, blushing and chuckling. 

They both laugh harder, looking at each other with a softness they haven't discovered yet before. It's a quiet moment, drinking coffee and exchanging that look back and forth. They know they can't keep talking about Asuka's metaphorical balls, but they don't want to say something that ruins the moment. 

Asuka lets out a few huffs and puffs, not angry, just the kind where she doesn't know what to say to him and doesn't want him to speak first. She keeps making sounds with her mouth until she finally speaks. "He wasn't a good kisser. I was bummed, I was really hoping for something good out of a 16 year old."

"Like sex?" Shinji blurts. 

Asuka goes red, "Pervert Shinji!"

Shinji goes red, "No! I meant... no. I did mean that. Did you want to have sex with him?"

"No! I just wanted to make out and make... make..." She almost says it. But once she does, she can't take it back. He'd hold it against her. He's bolder now. He must sit different now with the way he's acting.

"Make what?" Misato walks in, a towel around her shoulders. "Make me stress myself out to the point where I have anxious diar-"

"Please stop talking to me about your anxious diarrhea!" Asuka interrupts loudly. She wrinkles her nose and then sighs. "My bad, I was out late getting a tongue down my throat."

"Oh, gross. And you let him?" Misato opens the fridge and opens the egg carton. 

"Runny in the middle pancakes again or scrambled eggs?" Shinji asks Misato, then turns to Asuka. "Yeah, you let him?"

Asuka frowns and rolls her eyes. "I want pancakes _and_ eggs. You guys eat so light. I need a big woman's breakfast."

"You wanna help?" Misato asks her, raising a brow. 

Asuka groans and pulls the apron on over her head, grabbing a bowl and flour, mixing and adding water. "Yes, I let him because I wanted the experience. Now, I know what a bad kiss is like."

"I thought I was your bad kiss." Shinji says, standing in the kitchen clueless. He has nothing to do but stand there stupidly as Misato and Asuka cook. The world is off its kilter. This must be the third impact, he thinks. Both of them in the kitchen cooking... unseen. 

Misato's eyes nearly fall out of her head but Asuka just stares at the pancake mix she's made. 

"You were the first kiss... and it was terrible." She turns her head and smiles at him a bit. Her voice is mean but her face is kind. 

It's good enough for Shinji. It tells him everything he needs to know. It puts Misato at ease to see him at ease.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misato takes Kaji up on an offer. Gendo visits Rei. Shinji and Asuka don't know how to be alone together.

"You're unbelievable!" Asuka yells, stomping her foot on the floor as Misato curls her hair poorly in the bathroom. 

Misato struggles clearly, shooting Asuka a look. It amazes Shinji sometimes, how the two can look at each other and know exactly what they need. He's watching now, how Misato's eyes get wider and she screws her mouth up tiny. Asuka will sometimes look at her with squinted eyes and tilt her head. And just like that, Asuka knows to help curl Misato's hair for her just like how Misato will know that they need more tampons. 

"I thought you were over Kaji!" Misato rolls her eyes, trying to stay as still as possible as Asuka brushes through what little progress Misato had previously made. Which is for the best, because it looked terrible. 

"I am over Kaji! You should be concerned as to whether or not Kaji is over me." Asuka shoots back, spraying heat protection in Misato's hair before turning the curler's heat down a notch and then gently, and masterfully, curling Misato's long black hair that desperately needs a good trim. 

Misato wrinkles her nose at the heat protection. It was Asuka's, much like the curling wand, but using the spray bottle without express permission seemed like she was stepping out of place and thus at the mercy of Asuka. She also wrinkled her nose harder at the concept of Kaji being into a 14 year old girl. Kaji didn't even seem like the type to like 14 year old girls when he was 14. 

"You know, it really has been tough but he's putting on a good face." Misato teased.

The only indication that Shinji was around, to the girls' knowledge, was hearing him laugh at Misato's dig. 

"Shut _up_ , Ikari!" Asuka shouted, not once messing up a curl on Misato's head. 

"You're not going to make me look like a housewife with those sausage curls, right? You know the type, the kind that sell makeup and try to hand off free samples and shame you for having acne." Misato asked Asuka. 

Asuka blinked, having never experienced this phenom that seemingly plagued Misato. The curls didn't look like sausage, they just looked like curls. But it made Asuka insecure to think that she'd been curling her hair wrong for years. She'd taught herself when she was 12 and was so proud. They didn't look like shit, not like the other girls that got help from their moms. She did it all by herself and they looked fantastic. Natural, some might say. 

"I swear to god, Misato. If I have gotten this far into doing your hair and you don't like it, I'll pee in your bed mat." Asuka threatened. 

Misato blinked and looked at her sternly from the mirror. "I think you forget that I'm not only the broad you live with, but one of your bosses." 

Asuka blushed and furrowed her brow, back down to working. She'd been shown her place and now she'd stay there. 

When she finished, she used a medium sized hand mirror to show Misato her work. Misato grinned and looked at Asuka, telling her she'd done a good job. After the fine praise, Asuka walked out of the bathroom and landed right on Shinji's cushion, barely missing his body. 

"I'm reading something." Shinji told her, not looking up from his book. 

Asuka leaned her head In more, trying to read it. "Will you read to me?"

"It won't make sense, I'm halfway through..." Shinji muttered. 

"I don't care. Just read to me." Asuka groaned. She was bored. She was really bored. 

Shinji sat up and looked at her, he knew she needed attention. He knew the minute she walked out in her green tank top and her new lacy black bra that showed just a little bit off the sides of her tank top. She wanted _his_ attention. It was punishment for her bad date and the bad kissing she'd experienced. She had sworn off dating boys at their school and claimed to be speaking to someone from 'the other side of the tracks'. When Shinji innocently asked if that meant outside of Tokyo 3 or not, Misato snorted and shook her head, while Asuka claimed she was seeing a 'bad boy'. Shinji and Misato knew that there was no bad boy, but entertained the idea because it was kind of fun to watch Asuka talk herself in circles to make him jealous. 

"Maybe later. I think Misato's leaving soon. She'll interrupt us." Shinji said calmly. 

Misato sprayed her perfume and walked out of the bathroom, looking at Shinji alarmed. She'd only heard what he'd just said and it didn't like him at all. It sounded... 

"No sex while I'm gone!" She blurted. 

Both Shinji and Asuka turn beet red and make gagging noises to tell her just how much they weren't going to have sex, but it was believable so Misato patted PenPen's head and left money on the table for them. 

"Okay, okay. Don't be stupid, don't drink my beer, don't have sex, no wild parties, don't take any drugs, and please... consider calling Rei and seeing if she'd like to hang out?" Misato smiled at them kindly. 

Shinji blushes and nods, "Will do, Misato. Have fun and be safe!"

Misato smiles at him, thinking about what a kind and gentle boy he is. She waves to them and heads out. Asuka flicks Shinji's ear hard, relishing in how loud he groans. 

"Have fun, be safe!" She mocks him. "What a kiss-ass thing to say, wonder boy!"

Shinji gets in Asuka's face and glares at her, "I'm nice! You want to sabotage Misato's relationship because you want to sleep with Kaji, who hardly looks at you!"

Asuka's face goes pale. It's a mix of how close he is and the fact that he was right. Kaji hardly looks at her. She sits back and slumps over, looking at her hands. Her finger nails are long and could use new paint on them. She feels weird now that he's said that to her, like now she can't have a normal conversation because he'll be in one of his little Ikari moods all night. Good boy, Ikari... always kind, Ikari. 

"Are you going to call Ayanami?" She asks softly. 

Shinji knows he did a mean thing, getting in her face like that. He touches her knee, which is just close to him, and rubs her kneecap gently with his thumb. It seems like a grown up thing to do, something innocent and intimate. He doesn't want to be intimidated by her anymore. He wants to grow up and be cool with her, around her. She's no better than him in the coolness department. She's just as awkward and he knows that. 

"She'll just say no if I do." He says, looking at Asuka and how her bangs are growing out too long and into her face. He can hardly see her pout. 

"That's unlike you. You usually jump at the opportunity to talk to Rei Ayanami." She doesn't move her leg away from him, she just sits there. She wants to see what else he'll do. 

Shinji flattens his palm on her knee, his fingers touching her thigh. It's nothing inappropriate, but it feels like it is. "I'd rather hang out with you."

Asuka looks up at him and blinks. "That's not true." 

"I'm being honest with you, Asuka!" He sighs out, moving his hand. Asuka tries to not look disappointed. If he wasn't such a baby, she'd let him touch her boobs. But she knows he's too shy. She'd have to wait three dates and a few years to ever get real, solid action out of Shinji Ikari. 

"No, you're not! I see how you look at her. You pine, you idiot! You yearn!" She yells, angry suddenly. 

Shinji groans loudly again, frustrated. "You're the idiot! I look at you like that."

"Too. You look at me like that too!" She stood up. 

He stands with her, his eyes wide like he can't believe she would say that. "It's so different! It's different."

"Like how?" She sticks her chin up. 

"Because... because... she just... she's an enigma and you're... you're not and you're like..." He stumbles over his words and knows it sounds terrible. 

"I'm just what? The boring girl you live with that talks and acts normal?" She asked, tilting her head. Her voice isn't raised. It's flat. "Am I not special because I don't have blue hair and red eyes and walk around looking like a fucking ghost? Am I not wonderful because I don't read all day and act better than everyone?" 

Shinji groans, he's crossed a path unwanted. They have this conversation all the time. He tries a new angle, stepping closer and holding her face. She struggles for a moment but then stands still. She thinks he might hurt her for a moment and if she told him that, he'd be upset, but they both know that he could snap and hurt her if he wanted to. It's a thought that lays in the back of Asuka's head and comes out often, the kind that begs the question: would I deserve it?

"What if I just like you differently?" He asks softly. He won't hurt her. His hands are tender and soft. These are the hands of a cellist and kind boy with great manners. This isn't an EVA pilot, this is an innocent teenage boy that is holding her like a lover would. 

Asuka blinks and leans into his left hand, closing her eyes softly. It feels so good to be in his hands, to be held and cared for, to be looked at by him. He likes her. He likes her. He likes her. He likes her. If this is to continue, she must say it back. She must mean it. She must mean it. She means it. She means it. She can't ruin it. She can't be flippant. She can't tease him. 

"I... I want you to touch my boobs like this." Asuka speaks so sweetly.

Shinji drops his hands like her face is a hot coat and steps away from her like she's a dead body. "You... ugh."

She scoffs and looks at him. "Is that a no?"

"It's... I don't know!" Shinji runs out of the room and slides the door, flopping on his bed mat and shoving his headphones into his ear so he can listen to his music and drown out the thought of her wanting him to touch her. 

* * *

Misato sits at the table waiting for Kaji, who is fifteen minutes late with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. He's unshaven and his tie is a mess but he kisses her head and hands her the flowers. She sighs and smiles at him hesitantly. 

"What's wrong?" He asks, out of breath. 

"You're super late." She blinks, sipping her fruity drink. "And you've never given me flowers before..."

"It's a new lease on our life together." He smiles charmingly. It works. She's over it. She wants sushi too bad to argue and she's willing to make him drop a fat stack of money on it. 

He talks about watermelons and they get drunk, laughing about the kids and eventually, they go back to a hotel room together. She's so smart, she's a total genius. She's packed a bag in her car with fresh clothes for the next day. No walk of shame for her. She can be home by the time the lazy boned children wake up in the morning. No one will suspect she's slept with Kaji, no one. 

"Why do you care so much?" He asks afterward, when she's told him her brilliant plan. "I mean, they know you're an adult. Adults sleep with other adults. It's normal for you to have sex with people and be their guardian, you know..."

"Oh, I know that. It's them that get weird about it. Especially Asuka." She sighs, taking a drag off of her cigarette and shaking the ash. 

"Well, I assumed Shinji wouldn't have said something off color about it." He snorts and watches her, smiling like he's really got it all. 

Misato puffs again. "No, never Shinji. In fact, he awkwardly told me I should consider sleeping around more. He's so awkward, I love him. I want to squeeze him. Asuka... oh god, you know Asuka wants you, right?" 

Kaji winces and lays his head on his pillow. "Oh, I know. I feel terrible. I can't be mean to her and I certainly won't give in... I just wish she'd like boys her own age. It'll be better for her. And hopefully, I hope she'll one day she'll look back at this crush and laugh and feel comforted that I never pursued it. I think a lot of men would on the basis of her EVA pilot status and just... to take advantage of a young, confident woman." 

Misato looks at him, flicking his head. He laughs. She rolls her eyes, "Wow. I'm so glad I'm not sleeping with a pedophile. I didn't suspect it but I'm glad you've vehemetly confirmed it and even have your own little fanta- wait, _you hope_ she will? Why wouldn't she? I regret every time I've ever flirted with an older man." 

"I mean... I just hope she'll live a long life." Kaji knows he's sinking into deep water with this one. 

Misato sits up, holding the sheet around her chest. "What?"

"Katsuragi..." He bites his lip and holds her hand. "They don't have the safest job. How long can they be expected to fight these Angels and what if they can't beat them? What if there's a new threat and they're in this for the long haul? What if NERV uses them as agents for whatever comes next after the angels? You know there's a risk of fatality for any of the kids. The Evas can't protect them entirely and we've seen that time after time. One false mo-"

"Shut up!" She gasps, her eyes filled with white hot tears. "No!"

Kaji is taken aback, reaching for her face to comfort her and wipe her tears, but she pushes his hands away. She actively does everything in her mind to avoid thinking about the kids dying. She holds her face in her hands and sobs, which surprises her. This sudden outburst isn't like her, especially after sex. Kaji is to blame, not only for the subject matter but for her emotions. She's always so emotional around him. It's always been that way. 

He sits up and holds her, rocking back and forth slowly. "I'm sorry, I know. I know you love them. You're so good. You're so good to them, they love you right back."

Misato sniffs back some snot and lays her head on him. "I am?" 

"In such a short amount of time, you've changed their lives. Without you, they'd be... cold and unfeeling. They'd be sad. I wish, I really do, I wish that Ayanami could live with you as well." He spoke softly to her. 

Misato sits up. "I'm glad you agree. I think about it all the time. Shinji says she'd hate it and her and Asuka don't get along but, they would eventually and I could change my ways..."

Kaji holds Misato's face, looking at her lovingly, like he needs her forever. "Someday, you'll have your own. You'll never feel alone and they'll never feel alone. You won't have to apologize for the way they were treated before because they've already come from the place of love that you hold in your heart. You'll be so good at it because you've had this practice and you'll be even better when you've got one from scratch. You'll be fun and protective and have so many stories to tell your own little ones. And Shinji and Asuka will love them, they'll love your kids and it'll be like a family. It'll be yours and you'll be so happy you won't know what to do with yourself, Katsuragi." 

"I want that." She whispered, her eyes so wide. 

"I know." He whispered back, nodding slowly. 

Misato sniffs again and sighs out. "I want it with you. 

Kaji kisses her, rough and passionate. Usually she's the one that kisses him like that. It's the kind of kiss that starts trouble, that makes hands move over body part and gets blood moving through that body faster and hotter. She gasps and he whimpers and they unfurl out of their sheets and onto each other. It's loud and sloppy and probably doesn't look too appealing, but they're desperate for each other. They're desperate for a future they know they cannot sustain with or without each other. They chose the wrong jobs. 

* * *

Gendo walks around Rei's room, inspecting it. It's a mess. She has food and bottles and paper all over the place. She lives like a slob because there's no one to tell her to live differently. It's embarrassing. She's supposed to be better. She's supposed to be elite. This was not her purpose, to live like some kind of pig. 

"I didn't know you were coming." She apologizes softly. She seems a bit miffed by his presence. "I would've cleaned up after myself. I've had a stressful time lately with school."

This puts Gendo at ease and he feels bad. He sighs and looks at her, "Just make sure it gets clean, alright? I'd hate for there to be an insect issue in here. You'd never have peace."

"I never have peace now." She says, frowning at her untied shoe lace.

Gendo breathes out and takes his glasses off, setting them on a table and rubs his face hard. "Why could that be, huh?"

"I have no friends, I have no idea to how make friends. I am alone. I am alone because of you." She whispers. 

Gendo closes his eyes. She's right. She's so right. For a moment, she sounds like Yui. "Why not Shinji?"

Rei throws herself on her bed and attempts a temper tantrum teenage style. She groans and kicks and throws her pillow off the bed. It hits the wall. She screams into the mattress and flips over on her back to glare into the ceiling. It feels cathartic and for a moment, it feels so very real. She could almost cry and scream louder. She could blame everything on Gendo and tell him that she hates him and his coward and confusing son.

"Are you finished?" Gendo asks patiently. 

Maybe, he should've had a daughter. Maybe Shinji should've been a girl. No, Shinji was too much like him. There was no difference in gender that could ever change Shinji's personality. He would always reek of Gendo's blood in his veins. There was no way he could ever be anything but Gendo, even if he had Yui's eyes and her gentleness. Gendo knew his son had it in him to be aggressive, to make civilizations fall with one stroke of an angry hand. Would he love Shinji if Shinji employed these talents more often in life or would he be irritated to watch him act so flagrantly? Would he scoff at his feeble attempts to be a man and attempt man's biggest goal, power? Or would he mentor him and curate something more powerful than himself. Maybe he should've done that all along. To have raised them together, with Shinji as the powerful lord and Rei as... 

"I just want to feel real." She sighs, holding her knees. 

"You are real." He combats her. 

Rei looks out her window. The view isn't anything noteworthy, nothing spectacular. There's many spectacular views, but none in her sight. And when she's around these sights, someone is always in her way looking at her like she's a freak. She is a freak. Normal girls don't look and behave like her. She's a freak and she'll never grow up. She's a doll, just like Asuka says she is. Asuka is right, she's right and Rei wants to hurt Asuka in a way that's damaging to her ego. She wants to do more than cut off a pigtail, she wants to take her EVA and wreck it or take Shinji. 

But she knows that's wrong. Her feelings for Shinji are not of sexual desires as much as it's the curiosity of what a boy is like and how one behaves. Most are so lewd and uninspired but Shinji is fresh faced and so... different. He's almost like a girl but has the inner complexes and aggression of a young man who is struggling with himself. She wonders if maybe they could help each other. He has already helped her in a few ways, like smiling more. She was annoyed at first, but she figured that smiling couldn't be that bad if he enjoyed seeing people smile. And people liked to see Rei smile, they liked to hear her make jokes and they liked when she'd volunteer to read long paragraphs. 

"I'm not real like Shinji." She looks at Gendo. He looks so much like Shinji. Will she see Shinji grow to look like that while she stays the same age? Will it even be her? Will it be another body and he will have the control, inherited from his father?

Gendo sits on the bed and looks at her sympathetically for a moment. "Being real is a curse, Rei. You have something much more powerful than being real. Real makes mistakes and wilts away in time from shame or life's disappointments. You will forever be the way you are now. You are God's final bow, his most precious sentiment. I'm sorry not everyone can see it the way that I do, sweet girl." 

She looks at him softly then. Sweet girl. Like a father would. Is he her father? Would he like to be? Could she be his girl? Shinji's sister? She can see it unravel in her head, years of holidays together and shopping for groceries. Traveling on vacations and bickering over the last thing of food. The rush to the bathroom in the morning to get ready. Being around Gendo and him being happy, praising them both like a proud father would. There are no EVAs and there are no angels. There is peace and there is love and she is a real girl and she grows up to be a mother, like Shinji said could be. She marries a man from another country and is a mother to three children who are energetic and loving. Gendo grows old and gray and learns to be soft again. Shinji is well traveled and keeps his face clean shaven, he always smells good and has a family of his own. She can't shake Asuka out of her head, so she grows to be kinder and gentle and she's a good mom. She deserves to be a good mom and she loves her kids fiercely. They look just like Shinji, but her daughter will have her temper. The world for this sweet girl is so good and beautiful. She will never have this world. 

* * *

Asuka orders food and opens Shinji's door when it arrives, laying beside him and looking at him. He's fallen asleep and his music has stopped playing. She carefully takes the headphones off of him and puts his music player away from him for safety reasons. She watches him sleep and breathe, his chest moving up and down in big movements that seem like exaggeration, but are just the sign of a good, deep sleep. He needs it. He could use more sleeps like this, she thinks. He's so cute when she sleeps, she thinks. Slowly, she moves to curl into him, her body against his and her head on his chest. His arms wrap around her body and it feels like they're in love. He holds her tight and sighs out contentedly.

If Asuka closes her eyes, she's Misato's age. She's wearing lavender perfume and she's in a real bed. They're in a different country and there's peace. She's living with Shinji and they're in love with each other, they have sex every day and do everything together. She's cool and fashionable and Shinji drives a cool car. Rei is her friend. 

"Is that food?" Shinji mumbles sleepily. 

He's not sleeping. He's awake and he's holding her. She tries to move away, but he tightens his arms. She looks down at him, like she's suddenly very shy and this wasn't her idea at all. 

"Y-yeah." She gulps like she's scared.

He sighs and sits up, letting her go. She sits up and just blanks looking at him. He smiles bashfully and rubs the back of his neck, which is just as flushed as his cheeks and neck. "I... I hope you didn't mind..."

"You're perverted. You always do strange things like that to get close to me." She narrows her eyes, acting tough as if she's not a butterfly conservatory on the inside of her body. 

Shinji stands up and offers her a hand, smiling when she accepts and groans when he pulls her up fast. "So holding you is perverted, but touching your... your..."

"My breasts." She narrowed her eyes more. 

"Yeah, them. That's not?" He asked genuinely. 

Asuka groans and pushes him away, heading toward the food. "Time and place!"

* * *

Misato wakes up early with the sun and kisses Kaji goodbye, heading to her car and changing inside. She goes to a store that's open this early and buys groceries, remembering the list by heart at this point. She remembers the tampons and the hair ties and the men's deodorant that doesn't smell like sulfur or a pine forest and she remembers the alternative milk that they both like to drink. She grabs more food than usual because she's hungry and extra coffee creamer because Asuka likes creamer more than she likes the taste of coffee. She buys Shinji and Asuka ice creams and magazines. She buys herself a magazine and a pack of cigarettes. 

She comes back and puts everything away silently, holding PenPen like a baby as she checks in on Shinji... and Asuka. Her face turns purple and she feels like she can't breathe. They're laying together and holding each other and it's too intimate. Her heart falls out of her butt. But... she sees Shiji's pants and Asuka's shirt. For a moment, she's jealous that they're so young and able to be this intimate with each other. She couldn't... she still can't. In the back of her head, she thinks of Kaji's thoughts. The fear of one of them or both of them dying so young. If they are to die, she thinks, then they'll die knowing that they've found someone that can hold them like this... and that I love them with all of the love I can give anyone right now, at least for right now. Even if it breaks her and Kaji's heart. 

She sits up and watches TV on low, jumping hours later when she hears a knock at the door hours later. She almost hopes it's Kaji. That he's read her note and begs her to reconsider her thoughts and that he'll marry her and quit his job. That he'll stay back and give her a family and take care of them and she can live her life as a mother and as Shinji and Asuka's guardian while also working for NERV. She can't have it both ways and her fantasies are never reasonable ones. She gets up and opens the door, gasping when she sees Rei standing there. 

"I... I hope it's not too early." Rei holds the straps of her backpack tightly. 

Misato blinks and shakes her head. "Is everything okay?" 

Rei walks in, even if she's not been Invited to, and sets her bag down. She looks for coffee and sighs when the pot is empty. She looks at Misato and gestures to the pot, which Misato gets on right away. Rei opens the fridge and grabs a grapefruit, finding a knife and cutting the grapefruit in half, offering the other half to Misato. Misato eats it quietly, waiting for Rei to answer her. 

"I want to live with you." Rei admits. "I want to be here and be closer to Shinji and Asuka. I think it would increase performance during Angel attacks and increase overall morale." 

"Is that so?" Misato asks, trying not to talk like Major Misato Katsuragi. 

"Yes... but I also don't want to be alone. I want to be..." She begins. 

Misato gets up and pours Rei coffee, assuming she likes it black. She sets the mug down and gently puts her hand in Rei's blue hair. Rei sighs and closes her eyes, it feels nice to be touched like that. Like a mother's touch. 

"I want to be a real girl." She finishes. 

Misato smiles, moving her hands to Rei's shoulders. Rei drinks her coffee and turns her head to look at Misato, mimicking the smile. 

"Then you're welcome to stay. Maybe Commander Ikari will give us a bigger house." She smiles. 

Rei smiles back and sighs. "Will Asuka be okay?"

It's a loud yawn and some whispering, but Asuka runs out and stumbled back into Shinji, who looks surprised to see Rei and Misato. 

"Will I be okay about what?" Asuka demands. 

Misato looks at Asuka and Shinji, then Asuka. "Rei would like to stay here. And due to the current living space, that would me-"

"Yeah, just... put your stuff in my room. There's space. It's not much but, it'll do." Asuka doesn't say it kindly, but she doesn't hate the idea. "Also, if you're going to use my things, you have to pitch in and help me buy a bigger bottle next time so we both have enough. I'm okay with sharing, but I'm not okay with you stealing from me. You got that?"

Rei wants to smile but she nods curtly. "Yes, ma'am." 

Asuka grins, "Well good, Ayanami. Welcome home." 

Shinji opens his mouth to stutter something, but Misato grabs him by his loose shirt and pulls him into the other room. 

"What?" he whispers. 

"Did you two do anything?" She speaks sternly. 

"We... just cuddled." He says honestly. He sounds disappointed. "I didn't even touch her boobs."

Misato cringes and shakes her head. "Okay. Just... please don't... gross. Don't tell me about that. And don't form a harem now that they're becoming friends."

Shinji goes red and looks down, "Wait... do you think they're going to be friends now?"

"I think Asuka is going to give her hell and they'll bicker. It'll be good for both of them. Tiresome for you. Maybe you'll be cured of your crushes!" She grins at the end, nudging him. 

He shoves her, "You disgust me."

Misato wraps an arm around him, "Oh, please. You need me. We need each other. All of us do. This is gonna be great."

"Do... do you think father will be okay with her living with us?" Shinji asks insecurely. 

Misato rolls her eyes and ruffles Shinji's hair. "I'll let you know when I ask for some place with more than one bathroom and another room." 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Angel attacks.

There's quick flashes of her weekend that shoot through her like pain when she thinks about Asuka. They roll through her mind like old film that's being developed, no sound just the scene before her eyes. She wants the sound, the colors. She wants to be back in their cramped living quarters. She wants Asuka to be awake. 

"She's lost a lot of blood. She'll need a transfusion, the doctors are currently looking for a match. You and Shinji don't match. I cannot give." Rei informs Misato professionally, as she often does when they're at work. This isn't work. This is the med bay. This feels like hell. 

Rei's slender pale hand grabs a hold of Misato's shaking hand as they look through the glass window to watch Asuka breath through tubes, with wires connected all over her body to monitor her, while life forces into her body from a bag hanging above her. Shinji sits in the room alone with her, his hand holding hers. Misato and Rei know that he's crying because they can see the soft shaking of his shoulders and because they just know he would be crying. 

"Has Commander Ikari been around yet?" Misato asks with steel in her voice. The bastard needs to be here, he's liable for this. All of NERV needs to be here and watch her fight to survive. 

Rei sighs and squeezes Misato's limp hand. She feels bad for her. "No, he has not but he is well aware of the situation and gets updates before the rest of us do. I don't think he wants to see Shinji like this. He doesn't appro-"

"It doesn't matter whether or not he approves of the pilots being together, can't he just be a father for once?" Misato looks at Rei, forgetting she's only a child. Misato never knows what conversations are fit for children. 

"Commander Ikari lacks basic empathy and compassion. I have seen it from him multiple times, but there's... a darkness to it. He doesn't do it because he cares for me, he does it because I am an asset to NERV. Shinji is also an asset, as is Asuka, but Shinji is a liability to him. If he chooses to be his father, he cannot be a commander. If he is only a commander, Shinji hates him... and that is what drives Shinji." Rei speaks emotionlessly, looking up at Misato. 

When Rei gets like this, it really spooks Misato. She never knew how often Rei got weird like that. She really was a weird girl, but Misato didn't mind. She reminded her of how she was after her father died. The silence and the internal pain, the guilt and the forced wisdom of living a cruel life.

Another memory on film in Misato's brain: Rei sitting close next to Misato and laying her head on Misato's lap, asking her to play with her hair. It was so childlike, so innocent. Misato did as told, touching Rei's smooth, baby-like hair. She'd never done anything to damage her hair and yet it never grew. Misato would watch as Rei watched Asuka brush her long red hair, how jealous Rei was as Asuka complained about its thickness as she attempted to braid it herself. Rei offered to help, quickly and beautifully braiding Asuka's hair into two long french braids that reached her hips. 

"It's so pretty." Rei whispered in awe of her work and Asuka's natural beauty. 

Asuka had tears down her cheeks and onto her shirt. Shinji had watched as the tears hit her chest, his cheeks turning pink without thinking about why Asuka was crying. It was a moment of weakness on his behalf, but Rei knew. She followed Asuka as Asuka sprinted into their shared room. Misato stood outside the door, listening to them while Shinji sat there awkwardly as he had for the past week. It was night and day with the girls and their bonding. Somedays, they were the best of friends, the other days they hated each other and acted out. 

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" Rei asks curiously. 

"No... no. You didn't hurt me, Ayanami." Asuka sputters out as she cries. "I'm on my period. It's not your fault."

Rei sighs and sits down against the door. "What triggered the emotional response that made you cry?"

"What? Why are you talking to me like that?" Asuka scoffs. 

"Answer my question." Rei demands. She is getting better at speaking to Asuka in a way that makes them work better together, much like Shinji. 

Misato covers her mouth with her hand as Asuka tells Rei the reason she cried was simply because 'it felt so maternal'. That Rei's hands moved so smoothly through Asuka's thick hair, plaited and wove the strands through with precision and gentleness. She didn't complain about knots, she just silently pulled them apart with a gentleness Asuka hadn't felt since she was very young. It brought out emotions Asuka forgot she had. Feelings she never thought she'd feel again, but that felt so close when she was with Misato. Rei had even rubbed Asuka's back in a small circle when she was done. 

"I didn't mean to be motherly about it. Forgive me. I didn't mean to make you cry." Rei apologizes softly, moving from the door. Misato thinks they might be hugging. "If it would bring you great comfort, I would like to braid your hair again. Whenever you'd like, I can do it. Whenever you miss her." 

And now Misato stands with Rei, whose hands seem like they long to be doing something useful. Now more than ever, she understand why Shinji and Asuka see her as someone that has great maternal potential. She is quite maternal, even in ways Misato never saw in her own mother. 

"Have you gone in to visit her?" Misato asks Rei. 

Rei shakes her head, "I've let Shinji watch over her. I feel as if he needs to watch her, to bring him peace. Hikari is coming to visit, I was able to get a hold of her. Her family is fine. Toji is unable to come, but has sent over something to the apartment for Shinji when we are able to return home."

Rei loves saying it. Home. Her first ever real home where there's people that love her and love each other. Where she can contribute and smile at someone who smiles back. She feels like a bird that has been let out of a cage. 

"I don't think Shinji would mind the extra company." Misato watches him, she can't see his face but she knows he could use a tissue. 

"If I go in there, I'll start crying." Rei admits quietly. "Asuka and I have just become friends. She feels like... she's part of me now. We sleep in the same room and we wake up at the same time. We argue and it feels like... it feels like I finally have what other girls have. When the three of us walk to school together, I can hear songs in my head about what it's like to be alive and young. I wonder if they hear it too." 

Misato's mouth falls open slightly, listening to Rei speak things that people typically keep to themselves. She's so open, so free with Misato. Misato wraps her arms around Rei's tiny frame, holding her against her own body. Rei melts into Misato, closing her eyes and sighing. 

"If I could, I would give her my blood... I'd give her every last drop." Rei whispers. Misato feels a tear hit her hand, it's cold and rolls off her hand quickly. 

"I would too." Misato whispers back, holding Rei tighter because she knows she needs it. 

* * *

Asuka doesn't know she's unconscious or that she could die. She thinks she's at home and it's three days ago. She thinks she's trying on Misato's clothes with Rei while Shinji shifts uncomfortably because they're in their underwear until they have clothes on. Asuka does it to tease him, because if he says one thing about them being half naked, she gets to call him a pervert and Rei will laugh because now, Rei has chosen Asuka's side. Shinji's cool with it because it means that Rei is having fun and feels like a real girl. Eventually, he's called away by his friends, a blessing to thank god for. When he's gone, the girls put on makeup and dance in Misato's dresses to music about life experiences they're far too young for, but talk about what it'll be like when they're old enough for it. 

"I think I'll have sex with Shinji when I'm old enough." Asuka speaks honestly, of course. 

Rei raises her eyebrows, "How old do you think is old enough?" 

"Like, sixteen. That's when most girls have sex for the first time." She shrugs and digs around until she finds the golden stash of magazines. Misato's women mags, all about sex and dating and being a modern gal. Rei and her squeal, but Rei's is more performative. She wants to fit in, but there is a thrill about reading the magazine. She'll learn something new about what it's like to be a modern adult.

"Then I'll probably have sex when I'm sixteen too. Not with Shinji, of course." Rei smiles at Asuka. 

Asuka chuckles and reads "How to Get Him Turned On In Three Easy Steps" out loud. Rei tries to envision someone to 'turn on' but gags loudly when all she can see is Gendo. Asuka gasps and helps Rei to the bathroom, holding her short hair back as Rei loudly retches and vomits lunch. Asuka runs out and yells at Shinji for poisoning Rei, commanding him to fix tea for them and prepare the hot pad for Rei's comfort when she's done throwing up. Shinji does as told because he knows A) it's best that way for him and Asuka's relationship, B) Rei needs him. 

Asuka wrinkles her nose and continually flushes the toilet so she doesn't have to think about Rei with her face down in a pot full of puke. When Rei is done, she wipes her mouth and lays her head on Asuka's lap. 

"I'm so tired now, Asuka." She whimpers. 

Asuka pets Rei like a doll, but a beloved one. Something brave comes over Asuka. She gently stands Rei up and undresses her, startled by how easily she is able to move the clothing off of Rei and how she doesn't resist at all. It unsettles Asuka, like she knows it's not just because Rei trusts her. And something tells her Rei is used to this, just by the look in her eyes. Asuka starts the bath and adds her bubbles that her aunt has sent her from Germany that originally came from France. Rei will relax here and smell like daisies and peaches when she is done. Asuka is alarmed by how comfortable Rei is standing there naked. 

"Are you okay?" Asuka asks her bluntly. 

"I'm feeling better, just tired. Thank you for the bath. I appreciate you helping me. You didn't have to, but you did anyway." Rei looks at her softly. 

Asuka's cheeks go pink. She didn't have to at all. She hated when people barfed and she didn't often go around undressing girls and putting them in the bathtub. She was babying Rei. Next, she'd probably put the tea cup to Rei's lip and tell her to drink up like a good girl and Rei would let her. 

Rei slips into the bath and closes her eyes, turning the water off so it isn't too high. The bubbles cover her nudity, which Asuka is thankful for as she now feels it's weird to make eye contact with Rei's breasts. Rei is so thin and skinny, lean and muscular. She has small breasts and a flat tummy with skinny little thighs. Asuka is thin, but has big breasts and has always felt insecure about the little tummy she has and the thickness of her thighs. The body that older men and teenage boys drool over, how sick it makes her feel sometimes. Like her only value is to make men feel something or to fight a war for men. She wants to be sick now. She wants to get in the bath with Rei, but she feels like a whale. She runs out, holding onto Shinji and crying. 

"What's wrong?" he asks, holding her with great concern. 

"I'm so ugly..." She whispers. 

This is new to him. He shakes his head and turns the stove down with a bit of careful maneuvering so he can still comfort her. "You are not ugly, why do you say that?"

"I'm so fat!" She cries into his chest. 

Shinji watches her in a crop top and small shorts all day long. He's seen her in bathing suits and he's seen her in the tight plugsuit. She's not fat, but he knows teenage girls can get very insecure about this. 

"You're not fat, what makes you think-"

"Rei is so tiny." She whispers. "She's so tiny and so doll like and I'm not." 

Shinji blushes, "Oh. Well... you're German."

Asuka pulls back and looks at him with wide eyes. "What the hell is that supposed to mean, idiot?"

"You're... you're... built differently!" He stammers. 

"Are you calling Germans fat?" She yells.

"No! It's just... Japanese are small people!" He blinks, shrinking.

Asuka pants and glares at him, "And therefore better?"

"What?" Shinji gasps. "I never said that!"

"It was implied!" She argues.

He groans and grabs her by the shoulders, pulling her close to his face. "Stop putting words into my mouth! I think you're wonderful, you kraut! If you were fat, I'd still like you!"

"If I had small boobs and no ass you wouldn't even look at me!" She wrinkles her nose. 

"If you had small boobs and no ass, I'd have an easier time looking at you but I'd still find a way to touch myself to you!" Shinji yells back.

"That's the problem!" Asuka spits a bit on accident. 

Shinji wrinkles his nose and frowns. "Oh. I thought you liked that I did-"

"Only because you're my boyfriend." She whispers.

Shinji goes red and smiles, leaning in to kiss her sweetly when he hears wet footsteps enter the room. 

"I didn't know you two were officially together. What great news." Rei grins. She has no towel. She just stands there wet and naked. 

Shinji gasps and closes his eyes. Asuka blushes and sighs, "Rei!"

"You didn't leave me a towel!" Rei shrugs. "Sorry, Shinji."

Asuka pulls Rei into the room and grabs her a towel, doing her best to not towel her down. "Don't forget to moisturize, now." 

Rei nods militantly. "Yes. I will moisturize. I already applied the facial moisturizer to my face and neck as Major Katsuragi taught me."

Asuka nods and leaves the room, looking at Shinji and he nearly rocks back and forth in a corner of the room. She sits beside him and looks over at him. "Cat's out of the bag."

"No one is surprised, not even Misato will be surprised." Shinji rolls his eyes. 

"I've been thinking..." Asuka looked at him. "Do you think fifteen is too young to do hand stuff?"

Shinji blushes and nearly passes out. "Asuka, I just started doing my own personal hand-"

"You two make me very uncomfortable." Rei says, walking out of the room and sitting across from them as if she's not invading a personal moment. In their home, there's no room for private and intimate moments. Everything is a buffet. 

Shinji wheezes and covers his face with his hands. "Rei!"

"Your compulsory masturbation over my roommate is getting on my nerves. We need locks on the doors or you need to throw something at the door. And the bathroom? Not a great choice." Rei takes this as an opportunity to air out grievances. 

Asuka chuckles and shoves Shinji. "Ew! Did she walk in on you wanking to me?"

"I hate you both!" Shinji groans and runs to his room. 

Asuka and Rei chuckle, laying on the floor as Rei tells her the entire story and that Shinji's passed out right after because he was so embarrassed. For some reason, it makes Asuka's heart skip a beat. He likes her so much, he passes out. She wants to have his children. Rei tells her that she does not think of Shinji as a sexual partner, but feels comfortable talking about sex with him but not as much as she does with Asuka. Asuka says that's normal because they're both girls. Asuka tells her that they must rely on each other when they're older and enter the world of dating and sex. Rei frowns, wondering if she'll ever be able to be an adult and live that life with Asuka. She wants to be friends with her forever. Asuka wants to be friends with Rei for the rest of her life, even if she is no longer dating Shinji.

* * *

"You're not doing anything perverted, are you?" Rei asks quietly as she walks into the room. She means it as a joke. A lame attempt to get Shinji to smile. 

He looks at her weakly. His eyes are so bloodshot and red that she's almost scared of him. "Shut up, Ayanami." 

Rei looks down and sits on the edge of Asuka's bed, buttoning her hospital gown a bit more to protect her from anyone that might look at her sexually while she lays there half dead. She knows the exposure was for medical purposes and Shinji was blocking her, but she doesn't even want Shinji looking and he's seen them before with express permission. Rei wants to protect Asuka to make up for not being able to do more during the fight, Shinji can tell. He was able to block the angel from finishing Asuka off while Rei delivered the death blow to the angel.

It was a heated moment, Asuka taking on more than she could like usual and Shinji and Rei waiting with bated breath until Misato commanded they attack the angel from a new angle. Their knives cutting into the oblong angel, but the creature growing new eyes and arms like a mythological hydra. It was disgusting and attacking Asuka with everything it had. She'd put up a good fight, giving the angel reason for eight different arms and eyes. She was tired and hurt badly. Shinji had managed to piss the angel off so badly, it pushed him across the city, taking Rei out with him. In that time, the angel got the upper hand and picked Asuka up by EVA-02's legs and repeatedly smashed her down on the ground and against a building before stabbing her in the stomach with a spear.

Shinji's rage had gotten the best of him throwing the Angel off of Asuka and guarding her, letting out a roar and kicking the angel towards Rei, who defeated the angel by tearing it in half. It was disgusting and horrific, but they'd seen worse. 

"Maya and her have the same blood type. The transfusion will happen soon and she will get well." Rei assures him, holding his hand like she had Misato's. 

"We almost has sex last night." He admits. Rei pulls her hand back. 

"Why?" She blinks, looking at Asuka. She looks like an angel. A child. She is a child Shinji is a child. 

Shinji looks at her with tears in his eyes, "I love her, Rei. That's why."

Oh. Rei swallows and thinks about that. Love. He loves her. He is so young and he loves her. It makes her stomach ache. Is that what sex is really for other than procreation? Love? He didn't want to use her, he wanted to show much he loved her. 

"Please don't. She wants to be sixteen when you have sex." Rei whispers innocently. 

Shinji laughs and wipes his tears. "Yeah, I know. She told me."

"Besides, how good can it be when you're 14?" Rei jokes flatly, looking at Shinji. This is her sense of humor. It's awful. 

Shinji and Rei chuckle together, looking at one another with an understanding. This is weird, they agree. It's weird to talk about sex together, but it's not the worst. 

"You two make me sick." Asuka croaks. 

* * *

Misato sits at the dinner table drinking can after can after can after can of beer. Rei watches her and grabs the can in a rogue move, downing it and burping loudly. everyone sits back in awe. 

"That felt really good. My head hurts now." Rei hiccups softly and looks at Misato. "What?"

"You can't drink." Misato scolds her, but doesn't. It's too gentle to be a scold. It's a shock-scold.

Rei reaches for the freshly open can, but Misato smacks her hand, giving Rei a chance to grab the can with her other hand and down it again. She burps louder and lets out a loud laugh. She's wasted. 

"Rei, you're being disgusting." Asuka rolls her eyes, eating slowly. She's well recovered and rolls her eyes whenever Shinji calls her Asuka Langley Soryu Ibuki. 

Shinji smiles and looks at Misato sweetly. "Can I have one?"

"Absolutely not! Rei, that's enough!" Misato raises her voice. 

Rei burps again and snorts, "I'm feeling very swell tonight. I'm feeling pretty damn swell. How are you feeling, Shinji?"

"Feeling swell." Shinji grins, trying not to laugh at Rei as she sways in her chair. 

Asuka rolls her eyes and looks at Misato. "We live with pigs."

Misato sighs and shakes her head, "It's all my fault."

"I'm glad you recognize that." Asuka smiles, patting Misato's hand. Misato rolls her eyes and moves her hand away. 

"Just... stop with the... sex stuff?" Misato asks abruptly. 

Everyone goes still, eyes wide until Rei falls out of her chair and lands on her face. Shinji picks her up and sets her back down. 

"Oh my god, Misato! I can't help it that the dry humping turn-" Asuka begins, but Shinji whines with big embarrassment. 

Rei eats and flings a piece of chicken at Asuka then at Shinji. "Stop making out so hard. It's perverted. Be children. Go to a playground."

Misato nods in agreement. "Thank you, Rei. That is a great idea. You should focus on being children again! The world could end at any time, but that doesn't mean that we need to put the cart before the horse in terms of growing up so fast!"

"Oh yeah, be child soldiers in a life of death scheme but don't engage in the pleasures of a loved one's body!" Asuka scoffs. 

Misato wrinkles her nose in disgust. "Why did you have to say it like that?"

"I'm being mature." She defends herself. 

"You just made me feel even more uncomfortable than I already was..." Misato groans softly, looking at the ceiling. "I just don't want to worry about buying a group of 14 year olds condoms or having to explain that Rei and Asuka need birth control..."

"Whoa, whoa. Do you think I'm with both of them?" Shinji's eyes go wide. 

"No!" Misato explains.

Rei is asleep, her face falling into chicken and rice. No one picks her up this time. 

"Rei isn't doing anything with anyone!" Asuka eats her food. "And I think I should go on birth control anyways because my periods are so terrible!"

"Okay, okay, we'll... you just gotta promise not to have sex on it until you're at least seventeen!" Misato pointed at her. 

"I'm not waiting that long!" Asuka complained. 

Shinji blushed and took his plate, put it in the sink and then carried Rei to her bed while Asuka and Misato argued about when it would be appropriate for Shinji and Asuka to have sex. He sat on the floor, watching Rei to make sure she wasn't going to blow chunks any time soon and because he didn't want to get in between Misato and Asuka. He wondered if father would care or what it would be like to have a normal father right now. He needed to call Kaji. Kaji would explain everything and make him feel better. Anyone was better than Gendo, who only seemed interested in work and Rei's success. 

But then at night, Asuka kissed Shinji and smacked him lightly. "Don't get excited."

He whimpers, "That was stupid of you. It made me-"

"Pervert!" Asuka groans, running to bed. 

Misato frowns and shakes her head, "I miss when you two hated each other."


End file.
